Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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