i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
