i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
