matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
