He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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