have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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