The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize