At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
