Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she peed on how many people?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
