Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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