I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
