theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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