I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
