Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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