And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
