meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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