Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
