he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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