is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
