You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
