i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
