Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
