How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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