i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
