just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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