This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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