I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize