I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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