shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
