he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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