In the future we'll all be gay
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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