i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
