if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
