how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize