I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
