so explain again why im purple
no
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
