I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
