Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize