she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
