Its about making memories worth repressing
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
