some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
