so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
