honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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