TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
