she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
vagina is talking i cant
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
