My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
