shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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