you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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