"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
