i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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