Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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