So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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