Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
