The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize