im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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