How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize