Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
