I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
