and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize