guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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