my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
