All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
