I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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