No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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