hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
