I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
