apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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