The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My balls are so social today.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
