Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
