I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
