What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
