I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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