It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
