He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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