***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
