If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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