all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
