I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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