This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
