ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
