There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
