I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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